I Messed Up On The Date... Now He's Not Answering My Calls
What do you do if you're out on a great date, having a great time then you say something or do something and your date totally changes? Maybe he even stops answering your calls or texts after. You're replaying the date over and over again trying to see what it was you said or did and analyzing why he reacted that way. You're beating yourself up and maybe even telling yourself that you don't deserve love or that you always do the wrong thing.
The first thing to ask is: did I really say or do something wrong or was my date the wrong fit? Sometimes we're out with someone we are super attracted to but we really don't know much about. We create this fantasy relationship in our head and decide this person is perfect for us, all within a few dates before we really get to know them. Then we go on a date and the other person realizes before us that we aren't a fit romantically and their behavior changes. They may feel awkward or uncomfortable explaining why they don't think you're a good fit but in the end it doesn't really matter why.
If you were being truly yourself and open and honest and the other person decides you aren't a good fit, this is actually a great thing. They just saved you weeks or months of heartache. It's much kinder to let someone go than to string them along when you know you don't actually want to be with them.
It is very important not to take it personally or start blaming yourself if it is just a case of a mismatch. Maybe he has completely different tastes or likes than you do. Maybe he has bad habits that you don't know about yet. Maybe he hates cats and you have 5 at home. Maybe he's still in love with his ex. There are so many possibilities about why he stopped returning your texts and calls that it's not even worth your time trying to figure it out.
Think about a person who you thought was awesome. What would you do if they said or did something "weird"? Most likely you would just brush it off or laugh or find a reason for the "weird" comment or action. Now what if someone you weren't too fond of said the same thing? You'd probably think about it more and maybe use it as an excuse not to see them again. It wasn't really what the person did or said it was more about how you felt about the person as a match for you. It isn't personal. Sometimes you realize it's not a match before they do and vice versa.
This is why faith and trust are so important when you are dating. Faith and trust make the dating process so much easier because if it doesn't work out, you know that the universe has your back and is letting this person who isn't the right fit go to allow the person who is the right fit to come to you. It also creates a feeling of safety as you get to know people so if the person isn't calling or texting you, you don't worry. You go on with your life. This is why I included faith and trust as one of the seven steps to attract your soulmate in the video I made for you in the free soulmate manifestation kit.
If you haven't signed up for your free Soulmate Manifestation Kit that includes the 7 Steps to Attract Your Soulmate video, journal, and meditation, you can do so by clicking HERE!
Let's say you really did say something totally inappropriate, then what? Forget about it. If they don't bring it up, they might not have thought it was that big of a deal. If you think what you said really did bother them, apologize once and then let it go. If you make it a big deal, it becomes a big deal. Don't make it a big deal.
If you seem to say inappropriate things a lot or get emotional easily, then it's time to practice changing how you react. Meditation really helps with this and so does taking a few minutes to think about things before you react emotionally to things that happen. Breathing in to a count of 5, holding the breath for a count of 5, then breathing out to a count of 5 is a great way to calm yourself down before you react.
If you seem to insult people accidentally, ask yourself if what you are saying is going to make the other person feel respected, appreciated, or loved. If the answer is no, it's probably best not to say it unless it is to ask for something you want using an "I statement"... for example "I feel like...." or "I would really like it if....".
The important thing is to see things from all sides and not to assume, blame, or internalize what happens as totally being your fault. You are responsible for what you do and say and for the consequences of these actions. However, aside from an actual insult or unnecessary emotional outpouring, you most likely didn't do or say anything wrong. Trust that whoever is meant to be in your life will be and the ones who won't will leave and let it all be ok.
