“Your Partner Should Be Your Biggest Supporter.”
Colette Gallagher (03:36-03:47)
Tying the knot with the person you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with is something worth celebrating. But it can be a little challenging to find the ideal husband that matches your preference. The process includes staying alert with the red flags that occur during the dating stage. In this week’s episode, Colette Gallagher highlights the ten things that make a guy husband material.
Part One of ‘What Makes A Guy Husband Material’
First, you want to be with someone with the same goals and plans. For example, if you're someone who's planning to be an entrepreneur and travel the world, while that person wants to stick to a nine to five corporate job and wants to be part of a big company, then you might have to travel by yourself. One of the most common issues that many couples face is deciding how many kids they want to have. If you want two or three kids and he doesn't want kids, then you know it's not going to work out.
It's important to talk about where you want to be in five to ten years. As you pursue your dreams and goals together, you want someone who supports you not just financially but as a person. You want someone who is encouraging and supports whatever you're doing because a husband is a life partner. It doesn't always have to be big things. There are many ways to show support for someone even with little things. If your guy isn't supportive of your hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations, then he’s not husband material.
“It’s better to be alone than be with someone who makes you feel alone.” – Colette Gallagher (15:47-16:02)
Many times, we're attracted to someone because of their physical appearance that we lose sight of the other essential qualities like being responsible. You want to make sure that you're marrying someone accountable for what they already have. That's going to be a good sign of how they're going to be in the future.
Sometimes we want to be with someone who's not that great so that we'e not lonely. It's a lot better to be miserable alone than with someone whom you won't feel great around for the next years to come. If you don't feel good, happy, and excited around the person, he's not husband material.
Another question to consider is, how do you feel around the guy? Do you feel loved? Do you feel supported? Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel like you're hanging out with your best friend? Do you feel excited to see them when they come in the door? So, these are things to think about. I like to say that the experience is like having a sleepover party with my best friend every night because that's how it feels when you're with the right person.
Part Two of ‘What Makes A Guy Husband Material’
You also don't want someone who manipulates or checks on you all the time. You don't want to feel like you're living in prison if you get married. You're supposed to let your partner know where you're going but for the sake of letting them know you're safe.
There's a difference between being protective and controlling. You don't want someone like checking your emails and your texts all the time. There has to be a solid trust in a relationship, especially in someone that you're thinking about marrying. So, if you have these gut feelings, his intuition that things aren't right, then take a step back and re-evaluate before you decide if you want to get married. Feel free to live your life. It's not supposed to be having to be with this person, or he's going to make you feel bad about wanting to do what you want to do.
“Control your emotions so your emotions do not control you.” – Colette Gallagher (08:40-09:05)
Can he handle your emotions? How does he respond when you ask him things, or does he take it super personally? It's helpful to make sure that your partner knows that you're telling them how you feel and not blaming them for anything that has nothing to do with them. Instead of turning a misunderstanding into a big fight, walk them through it. Let them know what you feel about the situation.
So, having them be able to handle that and have mature discussions about feelings is super crucial if you're going to get married. Because if you're both starting to play this blame game of like, it's going to be a crazy explosion, and that's not a happy relationship at all. Always remember that it's each other versus the problem instead of you against each other. This is where effective communication also comes in.
One of the essential things we must consider is having your friends and family like him. Sometimes our friends and family can see things that we don't want to see. They can see like the criticism that we're trying to ignore. Remember they are the people that love you the most. You will spend the holidays together, so it's going to be a lot more comfortable if your friends and family like him, instead of having to lose all your friends and family to be with this person. If he's making you choose between him and your friends, and family, that's an abusive pattern, like a way to isolate you to start an abusive relationship.
We all have our checklist. Like going to college, getting married, having kids buy a house. There's like this American dream checklist. But there's no need to rush things. No one's telling you that you have to have it all done. It's a massive commitment because not only are you committing yourself for the rest of your life to be this person's partner, but you're also going to be obligated for any financial debt that they have. There's a lot of heartbreak and negative consequences of divorces. It would be best if you take your time to think about things before deciding to marry someone.
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