“Love Yourself Enough to Set Boundaries”
Colette Gallagher (09:47-09:44)
Many people tend to jump into relationships carelessly when things heat up. However, this is completely backward. It’s critical to take the time to reflect on whether the relationship is built on the right foundation first. In this episode, Colette Gallagher, Confident Dating Coach, shares her perspective on why a lot of women date jerks which, will take your dating dynamic to a new level.
The dating stage is the perfect time to get to know each other but, sometimes people tend to rush into things which lead to bad consequences like ending up with the wrong person and eventually having to suffer from the bad choices that are completely groundless.
Part One of ‘Why Do Women Date Jerks’
One of the reasons why some women don’t take enough time to slow down and focus on qualities that a long-term partner should have is because they’re not ready to settle down. They tend to become less concerned about someone’s character and more about physical appearance. Science has proven that during the time of Bobby Leishan, women tend to be attracted to men who would be the best match genetically. Some build up so many expectations that they’re going to be good fathers even if logically there’s no evidence pointing towards that direction.
“The feeling of loneliness is the worst place to date from.” – Colette Gallagher (06:59-07:05)
Sometimes, a lot of women are dating because they’re bored or lonely. If this is your reason for getting involved in dating, then you’re probably going to attract a guy who doesn’t treat you well. Unfortunately, this is a very common thing and it always leads to a game called spiral of confusion. There’s an analogy that when you’re hungry, you’ll pretty much eat anything, and it doesn’t matter if the taste is terrible. At this point, you’re not capable of making the best choice because the only thing that’s important is to get what you need. On the other hand, if you’re not that hungry and you know there’s a lot of choices, you will most likely choose something healthy for you. You can be alone but not lonely so that’s a good starting place to start dating. No one can take away your boredom and loneliness except you. And when you date from a full cup, you will find your partner’s support and compliment as an extra source of motivation but not necessarily see it as a tool that could entirely fix you.
Another thing that happens is that you’re hoping he’ll change. The first few months of your dating period probably went well and full of promises. Suddenly, he starts changing, and you’re wondering what happened and then you just kind of play it off. You get disappointed and hurt but still choose to live in a fantasy hoping that things will go back the way they were instead of moving on. If someone is dating from a place of loneliness, they tend to attract someone who is lonely as well and that doesn’t create stability at all.
Some people think it’s okay to overlook the bad stuff just because you love someone.
So, that’s another thing that happens that’s very common in relationships. As a woman, it’s your responsibility to set boundaries in terms of sleeping together and how often you see him. That’s with what you will and will not tolerate. When you’re being treated the way you’re not supposed to, it’s important that you calmly and collectively explain to him that the way he’s treating you isn’t okay with you. Maybe you need to create some space, hang out with your friends and start doing more things without him until he’s ready to be nice to you because the right person will always choose to be better in order to pursue you. Never think that someone is going to change just because you love them. It’s a decision they must make on their own.
Part Two of ‘Why Do Women Date Jerks’
You probably had a lot of childhood experiences that influenced your decision-making in terms of choosing the right partner and you think that you don’t deserve the best. Things like witnessing failed marriages, broken relationships with your family members, or maybe some painful words that were thrown at you repeatedly and you didn’t realize you never really got rid of it growing up.
“Don’t ignore the red flags in the beginning, no matter how much potential you guys could have of being together.” – Colette Gallagher. (23:05-23:18)
Keep enjoying your hobbies. But carve out some time, at least once a week or twice a week to spend time with this person. Take the time to get to know him by observing his traits when he’s with his family and friends or try to see his different moods and sides in different scenarios. Notice that if you’re not hanging out with the person all the time, then you’ll have time to think and reflect on how they treat you and confirm if you’re ready to move forward with this person. The key to saving yourself from a possible future heartbreak is not jumping into a relationship right away. Let the guy chase you, go out and live your life, have fun and enjoy your time. If you apply this, you will see a huge drop in the number of jerks that you date.
How to Get Involved
Are you struggling with not being able to find your true love? Do you feel depressed and have experienced heartbreak? If you know more is possible for you and you're ready to learn and change things in your life but haven't been able to create those changes or feel stuck, book a free intro meeting with Colette and see if it's the right fit to work together! https://www.colettegallagher.com/book-online