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How to Love Yourself More

“Fall in Love with Yourself First”

Colette Gallagher (00:21-00:26)

Many people perceive self-love as a fundamental human necessity. You can’t love other people unless your cup is full. In this week’s episode, Colette Gallagher talks about how you can love yourself more.

Part One of ‘How to Love Yourself More’

There’s so much more to falling in love with yourself just as there’s so much more than falling in love with someone else. I love talking about self-care because it’s important to me. There was a time when I was a caregiver for my grandparents, and I was not taking care of myself.

They were the first people I would always think of in the morning. I get up and take care of them before I even think about showering in the morning. I ended up being depressed and miserable. It was too much to endure.

“Spend more time with just you.” – Colette Gallagher (2:56-2:59)

If you've been dating someone for a while or you've been married for ten years, it is so important to be in love with yourself at the very core. You're going to be a much better partner, friend, and you're going to be much happier.

There's a book called 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. He talks about how different people show love differently. Some people score higher on things like acts of service, quality time, showing appreciation, buying gifts, or physical touch. You may even find that you are not speaking your partner’s love language at all and vice versa. This book is an excellent place to start when you're trying to learn how to fall in love with yourself.

If you love someone, you want to spend time with them. It's the same thing when you

want to love yourself more. Spend more time with just you alone. Get to know yourself

without anyone to influence you. It's great to have a partner. It's great to have a friend.

It's great to have people with you to experience things. Many times, we're

influenced by other people's opinions and judgments.

Go somewhere and try something new all by yourself, like going into a restaurant. I used to take myself on a nice date, go to a restaurant, have coffee, or tea somewhere that is beautiful. Try a new place and watch movies all by yourself. If you get to visit that restaurant with someone and that person complains, you’re going to consider those complaints. Sometimes it’s nice to go and make your plan. Please do your own thing without worrying about someone else’s schedule. Spend quality time with yourself. Anything that you can do alone is helpful.

Do you buy gifts for people you love? And if so, how can you do that for yourself? Even if you’re on a budget, you can treat yourself once in a while or make yourself something. Make yourself a craft, a bath bomb, flowers, or something to remind yourself that you’re worthy of receiving gifts too.

When you love somebody, you do things for them. You want to make their life easier. You want to show them that you love them. How can you do that for yourself? What are the acts of service that you can do for yourself? Do the dishes, make your bed in the morning, or do things that you know are going to make your life a little easier. You can ask for help with a project or things that are going to make your experience better. There are many ways to make yourself feel supported.

If you find yourself comparing yourself to other people, this is the biggest killer of loving yourself. If you think about all the different flowers in the world, how do you decide which flower is more beautiful than the other? Stop comparing and have gratitude for yourself. Make a gratitude list of all the things you love about yourself, whether that is a physical thing or internal. You want to have something that you’re grateful for because that’s the same thing when you love someone else. You’re thinking about all the great things about them.

Part Two of ‘How to Love Yourself More’

Journaling is an excellent tool that I found for me. You might find yourself in a place where you don’t have many people to talk to. And even if you do, journaling is a useful tool for listening to yourself because you can put your whole heart into a journal page. Then go back, read it, and see it.

“Journaling is a really good tool for listening to yourself.” – Colette Gallagher (4:14-4:19)

Writing is like seeing your life from the outside perspective. I recommend journaling as a way to connect with yourself and as a way to listen to yourself. I’ve noticed that there are times when I don’t want to journal or the times when I’m trying to avoid being intimate with my thoughts and feelings.

How do you speak to yourself? When you look in the mirror, are you looking for every little thing that’s wrong with you, or are you noticing the right qualities? Kind words are also essential. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful or handsome you are. Say those words of affirmation to yourself and remind yourself how awesome you are.

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